More Downtime - More Aikido thoughts (so much about 'no mind')

'Mr F's knee is still a little swollen and there is some heat. 'Lillian' thought that it could perhaps be an disfigurement caused by arthritis. 

I did discuss it with the barefoot trimmer lady who is overall quite knowledgable regarding horses' health and she thinks it is more likely that  'Mr F' banged his knee somewhere. It occured to sudden to be arthritis.

If it does not dissapear by the end of this week I will need to call our Vet. However, I do really not like the thought of having to give medication, should that be required. We have to see.

'Mr F' seems not too bothered about it. He is not lame as such but if one looks carefully, he is stepping on that leg a little tenderly.

As I do not know how or when (or even IF) he banged his knee it is difficult to tell whether he actually chipped some bone. Although he doesn't mind me touch it.

Until I know what is going on with the knee, we'll be spending time on the ground again. I said it many times before, I equally enjoy time on the ground. We often go into the fields behind the farm and enjoy the beautiful views and of course the grass.

Talking Aikido (again!): I have now started training twice a week, and would prefer even 3 times.

Last night's practise was yet another personal breakthrough for me! And here we are with that mind again. This is where all the trouble starts, with me anyway. Too much in my head, too much 'now do this, now do that' ... to much of 'left foot here, right foot there'. And most of all: too much interuption when training with a partner. Not enough time to get settled with the 'new feel' that we get with each training partner. Some light, some heavy, some stiff, some not so, some harsh, some gentle, some moody / grumpy, some light hearted. I take all this in and together with my own voices in my head making me having very high expectations of myself (which has always been a problem all my life), I was once more stiff like a statue and frustrated.

The only way around it is to let go of everything. But well, you seen into how much detail I go with everything ... not thinking is for me a heck of a challenge! Yet I think it is the only way forward in Aikido ... and I am beginning to think this also applies to life, to everything.

Up until this last nights practise I often blamed others for not being able to train properly or if 'it' (Aikido) didn't work. 'Well he/she isn't in the right position' or 'he/she is too stiff' and so on and so froth. Where as in fact it was ME, my own expectations, my own negative thoughts and my own lack of being attentive because too much stuff from my personal life was also clinging on to my mind.

I have to let go of it ... somehow.

Short ride in saddle - More Aikido Thoughts

I was offering to assist 'Lady Jane' in getting her horse 'Madame' and 'Princess Leia' back to her own place.

I have said before that I do not enjoy riding a horse that I have not spent some time with before hand. But as I have been feeding and mucking out both the above mentioned horses I got to know especially 'Madam' pretty well, at least on the ground.

I have not sat in a saddle for nearly 2 months now and was wondering what it might feel like. I did not actually look forward to it but then again I was just too curious to say 'no'.

We tacked up and proceeded to mount. One benefit of a saddle: getting on is just a little more easy. I am just 5" and 'Mr F' is over 16hands. 'Madame' is quite a bit smaller all around.

As soon as I sat in the saddle I noticed that it was very uncomfortable. I missed the movemet beneath me. However, the stirrups did no longer irritate me too much as I did not care about them anylonger.

This showed me that, prior to my starting bareback riding, I was relying on the stirrups for balance, which is why I never felt comfortable.

Now that I have learnt to have a very centered seat and a relaxed body while keeping a strong core, riding with the saddle felt so so very easy!  'DV' is known to be a bit of a 'jogger' ... she likes to go and needs hardly any encouragement. I have ridden her 5 times before and quite often it would be hard work to hold her back..

This time was totally different.  We did a fair amount of trotting and where as in the old days I would fight for balance in the stirrups, this time rising trott was so easy ... it just was one beautiful flow of motion. On previous rides on 'Madame' I experienced her as choppy and very stiff, I guess it was me!

She was beautiful to ride and very attentive to any of my aids. I hardly needed the reins. She reacted very well to my seat and she did not do her usual jogging.

Also: sitting trott with stirrups is alot easier than without I discovered ...

But overall I missed the direct contact. The saddle itself was very uncomfortable for me and I felt my movement was restricted by the high pommel and canter and the knee rolls.

All in all I was very surprised just how differently I was within myself as a rider. This short time of me riding with the bareback pad made a huge difference to my balance, my posture and I am learning to move with the horse, as one rather than two separate bodies.  It doesn't always go smoothly of course, it all depends on my mind and how complicated I am making it for myself.

And talking of mind: I am beginning to realise more and more that Aikido is about our state of mind. I am not actually learning a great deal physically, if anything that part is just too confusing with contradictory teaching and often very frustrating. That is one of the reasons why 'Lillian' has quit the classes.

There also have been occasions where there had been dismissive reactions by the instructors or even fellow aikidoka on the mat, in response to our inability to perform as expected. That part I am finding fairly irritating, too and it is unecessary because it will make people uncomfortable. In fact I felt there was a fair amount of snobbery about it all.

Some time ago I was a music teacher for a good 4 years (saxophone - but I played other instruments). I remember well that I noticed that I was learning something new with every beginner. Just because I am teaching does not mean I know everything. But more: every new student was a gift because it is someone that comes to me, trusting me and being completely open upening up as they don't yet have any knowledge.

When 'Lillian', 'I' and 'Tom' started with our Aikido training, we arrived on the mat, not having a single clue and we were open to receive input. We trusted (or wanted to trust) the instructior. But we soon realised that very often, our efforts were being dismissed as kind of 'insuficient' and if someone was a particularily 'slow to get it' type, he/she would notice this sometimes in a more painful manner. This in turn doesn't leave a basis for trust and although it was a pity that 'Lillian' didn't want to continue, I fully understood why.

I myself was very close of quitting but still felt this pull (just like it was and still is with 'Mr F') to continue as my gut instict told me I had to learn something here. Something about myself.

'Lillian' and I are jokingly calling it 'thearapy group' ... each time we feel as though we entered yet  deeper into our minds ...

Lets hope 'Mr F's knee is getting better as I already miss riding with him.

More thoughts: Bareback Riding / Aikido

Reminder for myself:

Started riding in August 2013.

Started riding bareback in March 2015

Started Aikido in March 2015

Now that we (I and 'Mr F') have working hoof boots again we go out more and for longer distances.

Since changing to the bareback bad I had to restart my riding as it is quite different to riding with stirrups.  I am very pleased that I made this decission and I doubt (never say never) I will go back to riding with a saddle again with 'Mr F'.

Although physcially much more demanding from the core down it is a much more intimate way of riding. Any tiny move of my seat results in a reaction from 'Mr F' - although a fair amount of which is him saying 'Oh just sit still.'  - 'NO, that is NOT comfortable for me!' etc etc.

But as the time progresses I am becoming more sensitive to feeling what is going on underneath me. Even his breathing I can feel. We rode past some pigs the other evening (most horses seem to HATE pigs - I guess it's an old memory of the wild boar?) and even before I could see the pigs I could feel 'Mr F's breathing change just very slightly; more sharp and short, just a few seconds before the rest of him would react.

I discover all these little things which make bareback riding so very beautiful and uniting. 'Mr F' is also becoming more sensitive, I require less and less effort with my aids (unless of course he fancies spooking about something, which is rare nowadays). Much of the directional aids I can do with my seat, rarely needing the reins and the list of improvements goes on.

'Mr F' is clearly much happier since we started riding without saddle. Partly because it is more comfortable for him too now, but also because I am becoming a rider that he finds easier to understand. Not even 2 years ago, when I started riding, I couldn't even get him to turn left or right in the menage! Going trough all the different stages on our journey together we both have also developed together.

But of course not everything about the bareback riding smells of roses ...

My main troubles still lie with the sitting trott. Although I am now able to do it at slow speed without bouncing, it is an entirely different thing all together when trotting at high speed in groups of others when out on a hack.

It becomes a problem if I tense up. For example: in transition from walk to trott, if I do not get the timing right I bounce straight away and of course then tense up; which makes it even worse. And because everything happens so fast there is no time to think my way out of it. The only way I can overcome the bouncing is by letting go completely (be loose, be free, be without fear of any kind) feel and learning which parts of the body I need to move. It is without doubt the most uncomfortable gait. We did a tiny bit of canter on a ride the other day and boy, what a difference!

But most of all I am wanting to concentrate on being free, mentally and therefore physically. Free from my mind, to just be in the moment. Forgetting about the day, about things that annoyed me, forget about not doing it right, don't even think 'I should do this and that' ... if I think I am already behind. Its so difficult to explain. But if I can reach this mental state, the body will know what to do while riding.

Just like Aikido. In the short time since I began to practise Aikido, it has already helped me a HUGE amount, not necessarily physically, but mentally. It is really a matter of mind, or to be more precise, a matter o NO MIND.

A proper boot test - A group ride and a calm 'Mr F'!

On bank  holiday monday we decided to join up with 'Lady Jane' over at her home and do a ride around the area. It would be completely new surroundings for 'Mr F' and I know he enjoys exploring new places.

After various delays we finally set off at 11:30. The traffic was quite bad but both boys were travelling well. I was very pleased to noticed that for the first time 'Mr F' did not sweat up as he usually does.

We unloaded the boys and 'Mr F' did fidget about a bit but nothing like he used to. He even stood still while taking off his travel boots. We were due to meet up with 'Lady Jane'. And promptly, from a distance, we heard horses approach. Horses? I thought it was just 'Lady Jane' joining us. This didn't sound like just one horse, this was at least 3. It turned out it to be 4, including 'Lady Jane'.



'Oh great' I though ... 'another complicated ride'!  I have still the memory of that Christmas ride where I had my hands full trying to keep 'Mr F' from wanting to 'win the race'. I sat in that saddle for hours while he was jogging most of the way, throwing his head around. Not something I fancied again; I was hoping I could teach him in a more relaxed environment that groups of horses don't mean 'its a race and I have to win!'.

But more: I hadn't been on a group ride with the bareback pad and I really didn't fancy hours of jogging! 

'Mr F' of course saw the other horses approach and was getting a bit giddy. Meanwhile I was trying to keep my temper which was already flaring up. 'Why didn't they tell me that this was a group ride!'

While my mind was busy making a noise and coming up with all kinds of worst case scenarios, I wasn't with the moment for one split second. This was long enough for 'Mr f' to give me a real good kick to the side of my thigh while I was about to take off his back travel boot.  It was both our fault: his for his unruley behaviour and mine for my ignorance of the situation and not recognising what was about to happen. It wouldn't have taken much for me to tell him to stop, he is quite good at listening if I have had enough! 

Luckily he had the hoof boots on, else I would have come off a little worse. I always approache a horse sideways when having to deal with their hind legs,  just in case. And then I go very close so that I can feel their muscles move prior to the kick and either prevent it or get out the way.

I may not be big and tall but I have a fair amount of muscle which were protecting my leg. It did not hurt ... yet but I knew it would the next day.


We mounted and joined the others. I did ask if it was ok if I could go at the front; hoping that 'Mr F' would be more relaxed about it this way because I needed to find a moment for both of to relax and to  'reset' our frame of mind. For a moment my thoughts wandered back to Aikido and having no mind (no thoughts). I couldn't exactly calm down but at least my anger eased off and I was able to be somewhat switch into a 'neutral' mind frame. Not quiet, but even leveled. That's better than being hot tempered! 'Mr F' seemed to experience something similar because he too suddenly was very calm.

And surprisingly, against all the worst case scenarios I had had at the start, he remained calm throughout most of the ride.  There were a few moments when we were at the back or in the middle of the small pack and he would go a little giddy but again nothing like he used to.

In fact we all were very surprised at just how relaxed as he was on this ride (They had all seen me struggle with 'Mr F' on previous group rides).

The ride also turned out to be a good test for the new set of hoof boots, particuarlily on the way back. 'Lillian' and I did the ride back without the others who were taking the fast (canter) route. The route took us up a very steep, grassy and bumpy hill side. I did get off and walked a good part of it to make it easier for 'Mr F'.  However, more surprises for me: he was hardly out of breath! He marched up that hill with ease! Neill's work sure is making a difference to his breathing.


Looking back there are several factors I think which were contributing to 'Mr F's relaxed state:
- No irritating hoof boots
- No irritating saddle (in the old days he would walk away as soon as I appeared with any saddle)
- Neill's work which with no doubt has addressed some core issues that bothered 'Mr F'
- The relgular lessons with Rupert working on the contact

'Mr F' is learning that I am no longer a push-over and our mostly good relationship is helping too, making 'Mr F' more willing / interested in listen to my 'ideas' of how things could be done. But he is a very headstrong horse and pretty much knows what he wants so we do have a fair share of lets call it 'discussions'.

But at the end of the day, he is my teacher, in so many ways - exactly because of the fact that he is such a strong character; and he does challenge me regularily. This keeps me on my toes and and wanting to work on this partnership. We are getting closer to a 'lets do this together' atmosphere between the two of us. Well, appart from that kick earlier, I guess I'll be nicely blue and red tomorrow morning. I may struggle in tomorrows Aikido class ... 

Full set of working hoof boots! No twisting, no slipping.

Hinds ... 

fronts ...

Finally Boots That Are Made For Walking

After over a year of testing with different hoof boots - we have finally found a set for all 4 legs that work: Easyboot Glove.

We didn't get on with the renegade hoof boots sadly. We had a full set but they just twisted, no matter what I tried and if we would go through deep mud they would come off quite regularily. I am not really sure why. I watched all their videos on fitting, on adjusting etc etc. And although it is a fantastic boot, it didn't work for us.

I was becoming tired of getting off on each ride to adjust or collect hoof boots that had come loose. And it is quite tiresome for any other riders that come along because they have to stop and wait for me. But mostly it is a bother for 'Mr F'.

A bit at a loss with regards to boots I suddenly thought: hang on, he had easyboot glove boots on his hinds and I stopped using them because they twisted. Boots usually twist if they don't fit so I best go and measure his hooves again. Very stupidly, I hadn't measured them for nearly 8 months and just assumed they would still be the same size.

Well, not so. I went to measure 'Mr F's hooves it turned out that they have become smaller all around. I noticed that the easyboot gloves he had for his back hooves now would fit his fronts (except for being a little too long) and I was only guessing that the reason they no longer worked on his hind legs was because they now were just too big.

I tried the easyboots on 'Mr F's fronts and took him for a walk up into that little bit of wooded area where the terrain is quite up and down and full with obstacles (treeroots, stones, etc). The boots stayed on but did twist a little and I knew why they twisted: they were a little too long.

Back home I went about with fixing the twisting issue by glueing a piece of easyboot pads on the inside of the back of the boot, taking care not to get clue onto the screw fitting.

I let it dry overnight and the next day 'Lillian' and I went on a quick test ride. It seemed to work! With these good news, I went hunting for a 2nd hand pair for his back hooves. Luckily there was a pair online. When they arrived I tried them on and they seemed to fit fine.

We went for another test ride but the back boots still seemed a problem even with the one size smaller boots. Then I realised that I needed to make some inserts for these boots too, to correct the slightly too long issue (talking about 5-6mm). 

Another test ride, and this time no more twisting or slipping boots! We even went through thick mud and no problems at all! 

What a relief!