2nd Visit by Neill Saunders

Neill Saunders ... a rather interesting individual. His work is unique. I admit that at first I was a little apprehensive.

Some people call him the 'body whisperer'. I can see why.

Neill's first visit in March was interesting and I did notice a change in 'Mr F's movements, especially his back, which was one of my concerns with 'Mr F'. Although Neill spent over an hour working on 'Mr F', the last bit of doubt in my mind had yet to be removed. I couldn't deny that there were positive changes in 'Mr F' and so I decided to let him come again to do some further work.

This time I asked him to specifically check out the girthing area. 'Mr F' has always been extremely tender when being girthed up. This has improved with the bareback pad but is still a bother to him. Also grooming in that area would irritate him quite a bit.

Neill spent a long time investigating and 'feeling' the area where I said the problem was. 'Mr F' reacted very strongly to what Neill was doing and I had to go in between or else Neill would have been bitten once or twice.  Then, after some considerable time, Neill stopped and told me that 'Mr F's  lungs appear to have been compromised, some long time ago. He said that this may have been either through a fall or through over girthing - 'Mr F' bein an ex-racehorse, this could be very likely.

There are several parts of the lung and Neill felt that it wasn't moving freely and the area around it was very tense. Neill continued working on this area in his own almost invisible manner. Suddenly, 'Mr F' did a big sigh and looked very releaved. Neill and I both decided to leave that area for now so 'Mr F' can get used to the changes and that we would get back to it the next time.

Appart from further work on his back, Neill also worked on 'Mr F's hind legs. The thighs to be more specific - flank/stiffle area. He discovered that there was a small muscle that was very tense which was causing 'Mr F' to stand a little crooked which I had noticed too many times. 'Mr F' was very reactive here too and attempted to kick Neill a couple of times. But I had a few gentle words and Neill persevered. And again, suddenly there was relief on 'Mr F's face, shuffeled around a little and now stood completely square and relaxed.

This was enough changes to the body for one session. 'Mr F' needed some time now to get used to the changes and so we planned on further treatement in about 2-3 months time.

I did take 'Mr F' for a short ride (30mins at most) the day after but he very uncomfortable and continued 'blowing'. He did this for nearly 3 days. I began to be a little concerned as I didn't know what it could be. It couldn't have been the hay as he gets his hay soaked well to remove any dust. I decided not to ride 'Mr F' for a bit and instead walk and trott him up in the fields on the lead rope.

He was also quite sore in his hinds for a few days. I was assuming that this was because he had to get used to the changes in his body.

Then, 4 days after Neill had been, I noticed 'Mr F' suddenly being able to move with his hinds much quicker than normal. He was able to turn around ever so quickly to get into position for his food bowl which I deliberately placed so he had to turn. No longer were his moves of a rather robotic quality!

And when I took him on a ride I noticed that he had stopped blowing his nose and that his breathing had become free and effortless (where as before there was a little wheezing every  now and then). And this I could clearly feel underneath me when I rode him up in the field! 

He also was less sensitive when girthing up. Of course: the lungs are exactly where the girth goes!! It all suddenly fell into place and made sense. I had no idea until I met Neill.

After this 2nd visit any doubts I may have had were removed as I can clearly see the effect it had on 'Mr F'. And it wasn't just wishful thinking. 'Mr F' was sure much happier with his lot.

'Mr F' knows the way to the 'kitchen' ... 

Earlier this morning: 

'Mr F' is allowed to roam around freely when no-one else is in the yard. He loves it and it makes him part of what is going on. We know each other well enough and he won't go far anyway. While I went indoors to get a cup of tea he made his way up the yard. 

 Me: 'Hey, you are not going to sneak up there again to steal the food, are you!?'

'Mr F' looking turning his head and looking at me as if tho say: 'Who, me? Never! I wasn't going to go up these steps and steal the food that you prepared up there around the corner ... I'd never do that ...'  

(Yes you DO ... and last time it took me some time to get you back down those steps because the other way out was blocked at the time.)

Week 7 Bareback pad - Week 4 Aikido

4th Aikido Class. 'Lillian' could not partake as she has a stiff neck (possibly trapped nerve, we don't know yet).

This time the class was headed by a different instructor. 

We practised some basic body moves; walking on your knees, forward rolling (break falls), etc etc. It was interesting to observe the other Aikidokas, some seem remarkably stiff even though they have been doing this for some time. 

But talking of which: I myself was once again like a statue, at least that is how I felt inside. My mind was just constatnly interferring and I go completely blank when it comes to where to put my feet, my hands and how do I do that technique and 'how do I do this and that'?

 

I need to explain a little here about the class structure:

Once we have done our warm ups, the sensei chooses an UKE (training partner to receive the technique, the 'attacker') so that he can show us some technique that we are supposed to copy. 

Now with this I do struggle. What happens when the UKE doesn't know what to do, such as myself? What if UKE doesn't attack as shown or doesn't react as shown at the front of the class? Surely, this will mean that TORE would need to use a different technique ... but then: what is the point in showing us a technique in the first place?

How is this supposed to work? It's all well if Tori (the person doing the defending, I.E. the one doing the technique) knows what he/she is doing. So, if I as UKE don't know what I am supposed to do or how to place my body, then surely TORE won't be able to do what was shown at the front of the class - unless he/she uses force.

But I wonder: shouldn't TORE be able to deal with whatever I can offer? Because I don't know anything yet so I will never be in the right position for them to do the technique as shown.

It didn't make sense at all.

At this stage my mind has had it! It was in overdrive, full with confusing input from everyone in the room (often contradictory) and I had lost it. I decided that I didn't have a single clue about this still, even after 4 weeks. I had absolutely NO IDEA, except that Aikido seemed to be teaching me something else ... something about myself. It certainly told me that I have to stick my ego somewhere else ... where the light don't shine! 

Oddly enough, I didn't really think that anyone in the Dojo knew what they were doing but instead were still searching, albeit at different stages. Interesting!  It had got me hooked for sure but not for the reasons that made me take up Aikido in the first place.

It left me with the same gut instinct as I have each time I am with 'Mr F' ... something is telling me something ... and I am not really listening.

I think I have to do some more reading up on this ...

But to go back to the riding. It was time for another lesson with 'Rupert'.

'Mr F' and 'I'  wandered over to the menage quite ahead of time. There is a nice bit of grass on the way and I wanted to stop there so 'Mr F' could spend some relaxing time a little bit of the juicy spring grass while I was enjoying a carrot.

Lessons with 'Rupert' are certainly fun. I guess for him I am probably a bit of a difficult case as I do question everything and come up with my own solutions (which of course are not always right!).

But he got used to this by now and we do get on well and laugh about silly things. No matter what mood he (and he can be very moody!) or I are in, I feel comfortable. 

'Mr F' and I haven't been out on the roads much lately because his hoof boots are suddenly twisting very badly and just won't stay on, despite my best efforts to find a solution. But the fields behind the farm are great to use as a open space menage. It does have livestock in it but there is plenty of room for us all and the calves and 'Mr F' are accustomed to one another.

I spent considerable time up there trying to ride 'Mr F' just with leg aids. It took us some time and I was once more grateful for this communication breakdown we had last summer: it taught be much about timing - timing in terms of when to praise. This I come to realise, is so very important. 

Everything we do with a horse, every minute we spend with them, we teach them something. Good or bad. I will never forget this because of all the mistakes I made last summer.

After about a week of testing to ride with just leg aids, 'Mr F' had become very responsive, which was noticed in the lesson.

We didn't work much on sitting trott though. I am having a bit of an issue with this now, in my mind. Just like I did with improvisation when I played instruments ... the mind kept giving negative imput and was stopping us from being.

I was hoping we would just do some pole work in walk but 'Rupert' wouldn't let me get away with it. 'Come on ... get that horse moving. Give it some leg, time for some more sitting trott. I should really make you do this for 30 minutes non-stop. That'll get you sorted!' - he half seriously said.  At this stage I thought I'd better go along with whatever he wanted because else I would really be doing it for 30 minutes!

As usual, I thought I was AWFUL and just couldn't stop being negative about myself. Just like in Aikido ... to much bloody thinking!! Why can't I just BE!?

Upon my request, 'Rupert' filmed some of it again so I could watch it at home. I wasn't bouncing as badly as I thought I was but it was clear that my upper body was very stiff and my arms where almost rowing. Very clearly, 'Mr F' and 'I' were seprated ... not moving as one piece as we should.

I am having to find a switch to stop this thinking ... or I shall remain a statue.

Spring at last - Bath time

We have all been so pleased the sudden warm weather. What a blessing!

The bumblebees are out in force, I have not seen this many in the previous year and am pleased that they seem to be growing in numbers again.

With it being this warm - approx 16-20 degrees C - its time to get rid of all the dirt! It's time to give 'Mr F' a bath.

Last year he got used to the water and the sponge - was surprised that he wasn't used to it already. Surely they wash down racehorses!

Would it have been warmer I would have used the hose but it supplies cold water only.

Stage 1 - we both get equally wet. 

Stage 2 - soaking .... not so happy about it ... a bit like a cat being forced into the bath tub (although putting on his 'nice' face for the photograph)

Stage 3 - lathered -  by now 'Mr F' is quite enjoying it.

However, at all times I make sure nobody else is in the yard. He does like to show when he is not happy with something by small kicks with his back legs, for example.

Before everyone goes: 'Oh god, you mustn't allow your horse to do this!':

Firstly the kicks are never aimed at me. If I do something that annoys him on his right side, he will kick with his left leg, and away from me. It's his way of saying 'Now stop it, it is REALLY annoying!'. How else can he express himself?  

Indeed at the very beginning of our journey, there had been occasions where he did aim at me but without stricking. They are prefessionals at aiming ... just watch them play or sort out the herd order.  This of course I stopped immediately and made clear that it is not acceptable. 

I prefer a horse to be able to express if it is in discomfort or if something is not right. 'Mr F' and I have a good system like this and it has saved us quite a few vet fees, too by noticing things before they get too advanced (such as mudfever etc ... )

Of course it is needless to say: as soon as he was back in the field ... he went rolling in the dry soil. :)

May the warm weather continue!

Week 5 - Bareback Pad - Being Without Mind

This Sunday I had another lesson.

We continued where we had left it last week, which is basically me working on ever finer aids and also getting to grips with sitting trott without bouncing so that I can then progress to canter.

Some say canter is easier than sitting trott but I am not yet convinced and I want to kind of 'master' a decent sitting trott first for transition purposes.

Now I have to quickly go back to Aikido - In my prevous post I had mentioned the 'too much thinking' and therefore not having a feel for timing.

So today I tried to apply what I am beginning to discover in Aikido. In Aikido, to allow your training partner to practise you have to fully 'give' your body to your partner, i.e. don't tense up, don't resist don't stop him/her. This is important so that both learn to feel balance, timing and each other's energy. Of course that is just on the surface, what really matters is your mind, or NOT mind - to be in the moment, to be one with what is around you, to observe it all and be part of it.

But back to the lesson:

Inpreparation to riding out, I like spending some relaxed time with 'Mr F', grooming, sorting out his feet, etc etc etc. It helps me to figure out his mood and it allows him to get used to the fact that he has to go out.  Its some pleasant 'together' time.

There are moments when this is quite important like yesterday, when 'Mr F' had been left alone in the stable for a good 40 minutes and was quite upset about it. When I went to prepare him for going out he was quite unruly and not 'with' me. As I am still a beginner rider I prefer to have 'Mr F' settled prior to getting on, and I think it is more pleasant for him anyway. 

We spent quite some time in the yard, grooming, doing stuff etc. I hadn't tied him up so he could roam about. I noticed that he relaxes much quicker if he has freedom of movement. 

I continued as though everythign was  normal, totally ignoring his upset. 

After about 10 minutes 'Mr F' calmed down but was still now and then calling for his mates. I know that although 'Mr F' trusts me, I cannot replace his mates, I am not of the same kind. Some days this bothers him more than on others. If he is bothered, its usually when something is wrong with him, i.e. if he has discomfort or pain. 

When it was time to leave, 'Mr F' had accepted his lot and was happy enough with just my company. We made our way over to the meange where our lesson was to start in about 10 minutes.

Where were greeted by a very humourus 'Rupert' and this usually means: hell' make you work! And indeed, he was putting me through the paces today with this sitting trott! And it appears that I seem to have encouraged him to do riding without stirrups too because suddenly he said: 'You know what, I did some sitting trott yesterday and things where shacking that hadn't been shaking for a long time!' (referring to his stomach ...) Needless to say I spend much time laughing in that menage when 'Rupert' is there.

On this note: I realise that as soon as I laugh, I relax! Something I noticed in Aikido too.  Laughing frees up everything.

I hadn't thought about it before but I suddenly am aware that OUR BODY REACTS TO OUR MIND.  We get so tangled up with all the input, the constant being spoken to, our minds that want to control everything. We become serious, we become angry, we become expectant, we create problems where there aren't any, we look forward to something in the future (which isn't real) or we cling on to something in the past (which also is no longer real).  And all this trouble simply because we have this little 'monster' in our body called the mind, who is demands constant attention and makes stuff up.

 

Anyone that has regular experience with the odd drink or other drugs will surely have noticed the peace after a pint or two of beer, or a glass or two of wine. Suddenly, the voices in the head quieten down and there is peace and temporary 'happiness'.

This realisation has really gone under my skin. There must be a way to be in a peaceful, joyous and free place all the time, regardless of circumstances, without using any substances. 'I am not truly alive ...' this sticks in my head now.

But for now back to the lesson: 

I experimented with different positions, sitting a little further back or more forward, listening to 'Mr F' pointing out 'No woman, don't sit there!' - 'Ok ...' - 'And not there either!' - 'OK OK!' *sigh*.

  

After 20 minutes of this sitting trott business my legs were getting very tired and I felt my entire body being stiff like a plank of wood. I couldn't shut up my mind which was so loud now that I would have loved to banged my head against a wall just to shut it up! 

I was close to getting off and ending the lesson early but no, I don't quit - 'Enough! Forget about everything and just go with it. Who cares if you look like a bag of potoatoes - it doesn't matter. Just let 'Mr F' have that body of mine!'  This change of mind made a huge difference! The last 10 minutes we actually had a half-way acceptable sitting trott and 'Mr F' was striding out more relaxed. He also picked up quite a bit of speed as it was now more comfortable for him. 'Rupert' too commented on the sudden improvement. 

I did tell him about Aikido and I think I made him interested ... a little. Unfortunately he is never free on the evening when we have our class, else he would have come along to see what it is all about.

I am once more grateful for 'Mr F' being so patient - I am glad he doesn't have a human mind!

2nd Aikido Class - Learning About Myself

We went for our 2nd Aikido class on Firday evening and once again I enjoyed it greatly.

This time, rather than just learning to perform certain moves, I learned something about myself, or more: I realised something about myself which 'Mr F' had pointed out to me on various occastions, too.

When I went for my first Aikido class, I went there with an open mind, not knowing what to expect, not really knowing what it is about nor did I know what to do.  

This time, because I had already had a class and my head had been filled with countless bits of 'put your foot here and then there' etc, I arrived already with an 'image' of what might be. My mind  was full with thoughts about what I had been told in last class and also about what I had been reading myself.

And, because I was having an 'image' in my head and expectations of myself, this time I was no longer as free and I was constantly thinking. 'Do I put my foot here or there, where does my hand go, now just how do I twist this arm so it is in that position ...' etc etc.

And with all the thoughts, nothing takes place naturally. I was quite stiff in my upper body.

This thinking 'thing' and not being part of what is actually going on is something that 'Mr F' has been pointing out on so many occasions. 'Hey, you're not making sense, you are not with me. I am giving you all the time and signs and you are NOT listening. Anymore of this and you can see my backside!'

In addition, there was a lot of stuff in my personal life that bothered me and I simply was not present. My body was in the room but I was not, my thoughts where all over the place. This doesn't work for Aikido and it doesn't work for riding, either.

This business of having intentions, expectations (of myself, of 'Mr F' etc etc) and pre-set images of a situation just doesn't work because it is not real. It's all in my head. 'Mr F' told me this last July when we had a communication breakdown and now I am faced with this again in shape of Aikido.

I can think a hundred or a thousand times: 'Ok, now I am going to 'this' and 'that' will happen.' But this attitude DOES NOT WORK.  Why? Because it is never just about me, its about everything, its a seeing of the larger picutre perhaps. 

I may have ideas what I want 'Mr F to do but just because they are MY ideas, doesn't mean they are HIS too. There has to be team-work, a form of not just physical abut also mental yielding, a partnership, a means of being together, or better even: being one part rather than two.  

Something I have yet to get my head around ...

Therefore, this 2nd lesson, although very frustrating, gave me much food for thought, predominantly about myself. And of that I wanted more ... I think Aikido is not about doing something physical, I think it is teaching me something about life itself.

So, to sum it up for myself: I have to learn to give myself to the moment and stop analysing, expecting, having intentions. I have to learn to shut up that noise in my head. 

Something that had already bothered me many years ago when I was playing music ... yet that is altogether a different story.

This 'giving yourself to the moment' is certainly the most difficult part for me. I learn quick, very quick. But the drawback is that I by theory miles ahead of what I practically can do. Its the old 'trying to run before you can walk' thing ...