Don't think, just be :)

This month there was a seemingly haunting task awaiting someone that is small and light ... and an adult. Guess what: it was me. 

What needed doing?

Well, there is a large water tank at 'Buttercup Farm'. We use the water to soak the hay nets and other matters although I never use it for drinking water.  So, the other day I noticed a stench come from near the tank. I couldn't quite figure out what it was until I saw a bucket with water. As I picked up the bucket, the stench grew rapidly stronger. 

As I inquired where the water had come from I was informed that it was from the tank. I had always wondered over the cleanliness of said tank as it wasn't covered and anything could fall in. This seems to have happened because when I turned the tap on, the stench was revolting. Upon climbing up to see inside the tank we all came to the conclusion that something dead must be floating in there.

First of all the tank had to be drained. However, the tap is a few inches above the tank bottom so there were a good 4 inches of water in there that needed to be emptied by hand. So, one Saturday, 'Helen' and I decided to attack this at first daunting task. We needed 2 ladders, one to climb up and one to climb inside the tank. Upon closer examination I discovered at least 2 bigger dead beings floating in there. It was hard to tell at first if it was rats of magpies. 

I wasn't sure how I would do with the stench but I treated it like my job: don't think, just do and do as good as you can. And so we began our job, a job that turned out to take us a good 4 hours in total! 

At first I lowered buckets on strings and pulled them back out until I felt it was OK to go and stand in this sauce of death and natural decay. 

All the while we made sure not to speak or have our mouths open. I didn't fancy swallowing any of this contaminated water. Interestingly enough, I wasn't at all bothered by what i was doing and in fact hardly noticed any smell. Probably because I was breathing through my mouth which was covered up by my thick scarf. 'Helen' and I used sign language to point out to each other which buckets contained dead matter and which didn't, just as a warning. 

There were 2 very big rats in there ... half decayed ... I guess they drowned in the tank in desperate search of water due to poison that had been put out some time ago as the cat failed to do her job!

At last we reached the stage where we could wash it clean ... and below you see the emptied and scrubbed clean tank bottom. 

Emptying the rotten water of the water tank: 

A task done best without thinking (about the matter at hand ... or anything!)

Another task which was of quite a large scale ... the repair of the nearby bridle path. Used by riders, walkers and cyclists alike. The loose stone was brought down by a dumper and then tediously spread with shovels and rakes by about 12 men / women from the surrounding area, either members of the riding club or other organisations that deal with public access paths. I cannot remember all the details.

There is another section of the path before this one above ... its a fairly steep, stoney and at the same time VERY muddy part of the path. After we finished with the fine stone (and many had already gone home), 'Lillian' I and another lady (who's name I just cannot remember) continued our work. 'Lillian' and I were shoveling all the heavy mud out of the path and placed it along the sides. A back breaking piece of work. Meanwhile the other 'nameless' lady was very busy with flattening the path ... with a vibrating ground compactor machine. (again, technical term has escaped).

'Lillian' and I were determined to finish the clearing of that top part. Meanwhile I was disciplining myself not to think ... about anything. Which is tricky when having a conversation! 

The next day I was quite surprised to realise that my back wasn't aching at all ... despite the tons of mud and stone we must have been moving by hand.

I have in the past week been out riding with 'Mr F' twice. In the old bareback pad still. Somehow I cannot bring myself to try out that new treeless saddle. I just don't fancy my legs' movement reduced by stirrups. Not having ridden for nearly 2 months made it feel all fresh and new and much more secure and balanced than before. Every time I have a long break in between riding I notice improvements upon picking it up. Old stuff that was tricky suddenly becomes easy. 

Nowadays all I do is to keep out of the horses' way while I ride, so that 'Mr F' can choose how to move his body. Especially when navigating over uneven ground or also when riding in the dark. 

I have said this before and I say this again: I implicitly trust 'Mr F' to look after us as much as he trusts me to do the same. We have no issues apart from the odd disagreement over which path to take. Sometimes he chooses, sometimes I do. It's all about balance. :)

As we often return almost in the dark, I have a led body vest that is also reflective. Meanwhile 'Mr F' has his own 'flashy' gear: hi-viz wraps for the legs and bridle, and led rings for the legs and an led body harness. We can be clearly seen by any member of the public when travelling in the dark, long before their headlamps reach us. I will try and take a snapshot of it next time.

On Saturday we went out with 'Lillian' and 'Luke' - who has this year behaved impeccably at all times. and is getting used to being a horse that works with humans and seems to begin to find it interesting rather than frightening.  

 View on our ride home - How could we spoil a view like this by thought ...

Winter Sunshine - Blood Test - And other ...

And so, as the seasons change, so does my work. Today I had a day off - first in a long time. Much of it was spent repairing parts of a nearby bridle-path and general maintenance around 'Buttercup Farm'.

In between working on the Bridle path I went to 'Buttercup Farm' for a quick tea break. Although very breezy, the sun was out and the colours were beautiful. I took my big mug of tea out into the fields to the boys.

The camera on my phone isn't great but it will do.

 And here we are ... the boys in the field, quite evenly spread out. I quietly stood there, only looking at them while taking the photo but then turning away to face the sun and soak up some of the sunbeams.

But it doesn't take long before the crew join, 'Luke' was the first to come and say hello ... 

,,, followed by 'Little Sam' who is the furthest away ... 

.... and of course 'Mr F' ... 

His coat in this season is simply stunning! Being a dark bay, his coat shimmers in gold, brown, and almost red ... and is very very shiny. Everyone is commenting on it, including strangers that we meet on our walks. I do use natural hair brushes which do spread the natural oil of the coat rather than taking it off as some synthetic brushes do. I use a rubber curry comb which is great to take off the dry mud and because of its soft edges, it doesn't hurt the skin as many of the plastic curry combs can do if the ends are split (often not visible to our eye).

But 'Mr F' is also back on Thunderbrook food now, for about 4 months and I am now beginning to see first changes in his hooves, and even his hair seems to be a little fuller. In his hooves it is especially noticeable because that crack he's been having for nearly 2 years has almost grown out! I am curious to see if we will get rid of it at last. I thought so once before ... and then for some reason I just cannot remember, I took 'Mr F' off Thunderbrook base mix and now looking back and collected data (my notes) this is connected with feed changes.

I have also managed to keep the biting lice at bay ... with 'Coopers Fly Spray Plus'. Worked perfectly well. I have to re-apply it every 2 weeks or when signs of their return are manifesting.

'Mr F' also had a routine check up - I asked the vet to examine his sheath and clean it and remove the 'bean' if there was one. Although I can do it myself, I wanted the vet to check his sheath for possible tumors. But nothing to worry here, all was fine although there was a build up of smeg which we removed. Then I had a blood test done, as a general check up. Due to 'Mr F's advanced age I want to make sure that the basic things are in order. His blood test result according to the vet: "There is absolutely nothing to worry about!"  

Going back to food: there is a new chaff out by Thunderbrook, a 'Muesli'. It is herbal chaff but with specifically selected, seasonal herbes. Matter that they would graze for if they'd be out in the wild with access to any plant they fancy. It is rather pricey but his runny back end business has cleared up within 3 days! I must say that 'Muesli' does smell very very nice, very seasonal ... wintery. It's tempting to keep a bowl full in the house as I like the scent.

Talking about food:  'Little Sam' has got his very own food dispenser in shape of 'Luke' ... 

... 'Luke' is semi trying to pretend that he is boss over 'Little Sam' but it only works because 'Little Sam' just generally stays out of the way until an opportunity arrives ... 

One of the many reasons why I enjoy eating my breakfast with the crew are moments like this here above; 'Luke' - although somewhat unwilling - is sharing mouthfulls of haylage with 'Little Sam', who is pulling it out of 'Luke's mouth!

The funniest part was that 'Luke' seemed to tease him at times, moving his head away just as 'little Sam' is trying to grab some of the strands of haylage ... it was most amusing to observe.

And as I am working from home tomorrow ... I am planning to sneak away for a ride in the afternoon, perhaps even trying out the new treeless saddle.

Who is training whom?

Some more observations that I wish to quickly note down before they go out my head again.

I don't experience 'Mr F' as a horse any longer. This is a hard one to explain and I dare say that words will not ever come close to what I mean. He (and I come to the conclusion that this applies to all animals) knows infinitely more than I (we humans) do. By this I don't mean an academic knowledge. What I mean is that they have an infinitely deeper knowledge of life, of being, which we don't or no longer have. I am beginning to realise why, too, more and more. Our heads are so full with everyday 'garbage' stuffed into our heads via radio, TV, newspapers and of course conversations. We don't live ... we are being lived, like robots. We function, but we are not alive. We may think we are when we party or have a few drinks. I remember myself enjoying a bottle of Prosecco over a Sunday afternoon, or a few pints over some games of darts or pool. Becoming very cheerful and energetic, only to find a deep drop once the effect had worn off. We are being lived by what others think, by what we think, by what one is 'supposed' to do / by, by ones job, status, income, house, etc etc. On top of that we have another load of believes which we have created ourselves, that also stop us from being.  

Observe a 2 year old ... wonderfully innocent, direct, clear, and so much pureness in the eyes. 

A child at this age smiles lightheartedly and truthfully, it doesn't smile because it wants something or because it think it has to. It is very rarely sad, if it cries it is usually because it has needs (food, pain, discomfort). I don't recall ever any of my step brothers / sisters (I spent much of my childhood looking after them) crying because they were sad or angry until they reached about year 3. When they started to learn what is supposedly sad and what is supposedly something happy. As they grew older they lost their innocence.

For me, horses in particular, are otherworldly beings. Where do they get the tremendous love for us from? And they must have that because what is there to love about us from there point of view? Once more the world love is not really correct, as it implies romantic thoughts. That is not at all what I mean. Theirs is a unconditional form of love, a love of life and all that is alive (unless its a matter of life and death).  Where does it come from? We ride them and mostly cause them pain one way or another doing so (mostly unknowingly / unwillingly) ... Why do we think we have the right to ride them without asking first?

All the time I have spent with 'Mr F' I have struggled with the terms 'leadership' / 'dominance' / 'show who the boss is' / 'make it (the horse) respect you' ... From my observations, none of the above applies. The only thing that matters is total trust and openness from both sides. The less there is a 'me' and 'it', the less we have to communicate but instead we just 'know' and somehow it becomes balanced. I used to believe that I had to portrait to be 'the woman in charge'. But the problem of that is that ones ego gets swollen up and hurt so easily: "how does it dare to disobey! You are trying to test me aren't you, I'll show you!" .... and so on. Instantly our thinking becomes emotional (anger, frustration, embarrassment even if there are onlookers and know-it-alls) and therefore distorted. You know longer see what IS. Then we start overacting / over-reacting, we may turn panicky or hysterical, all of which the horse doesn't understand and has no interest in. It will however increase its distrust in you because you're no longer secure from its viewpoint; it doesn't understand you. When the boys are all in the stable together, there is no quarrelling required because they know that everything has its place, its balanced. (although 'Mr F' does think he holds ownership of my breakfast bowl with shreddies and seeds WHILE I am still eating them). So yes, there is a form of pecking order, survival of the fittest, its very matter of fact though and not fed by emotion (or hurt ego). Indeed they do put ears back and all but its not anger because they think they are the dominant one but because they know they are and if not they will be challenged. It's part of the life cycle where everything has its place, where everything is balanced. If something is out of balance it is most likely no longer working or not working properly.

 You may think I am crazy, it doesn't matter. Over the past year or so I have witnessed and observed so much not just about the horses but about being alive. Now there is less and less difference between dealing with horses or dealing with people. My way of being with people changed much more than my way of being with the horses. What I learn from the horses I apply in everyday relationships with humans (any form of relationship, business, friendship, workmates etc etc).

Of course much of my behaviour is still triggered by emotion thinking but at least I have learnt to witness when this happens. The less emotional I am, the simpler everything becomes, the easier it is to see what IS. I call it 'being' or 'being awake' and within lies sheer joy and biss and a very deep love for all that IS. Words are no good here as words means something different to each person. To me being with the horses is like a home coming, the same feeling as when we are just about to fall asleep, when thoughts have stopped, that moment when our head rests on the pillow, knowing we are going to 'go home' for a few hours, into a state of no thought. Bliss!

Talking of bliss: I wish to share this particular Youtube clip, not for you to watch but for you to listen to should you struggle settling your head.  Its an hours or so worth of nature sounds of crickets / wind in the tress and night owls.  

Boy Group

'Mr F' is indeed still very pleased with his settings and admittedly so am I as it is most pleasant to be able to care for 'Mr F' in an environment where all the hoof care (of which he requires a fair amount being barefoot) etc is in one place and in a well lit area. 

2 days ago 'Luke' also returned to 'Buttercup Farm' for a short term stay, he will be leaving again in 5 weeks time. 'Buttercup Farm' is a suitable place also for 'Lillian' where she has an enclosed environment that assists in dealing with matters concerning 'Luke' (such as learning to pick up his feet etc etc).

'Luke' of course is more than happy to be back here where he has juicy soaked hay to indulge in. And so all 3 - 'Mr F', 'Luke' and 'Little Sam' are sharing one field with adjoining stable (split into three compartments). 

As all the horses are very calm having them all in the same stable go in and out is simple. Especially since 'Mr F' is very calm indeed and although he is the one holding the cards, he does so very calmly and doesn't create any drama inside the stable. They all know their place and stick to the routine which they deem safe.

'Little Sam' usually goes and hides in the snog, and sometimes 'Luke' joins him. While it is easy for 'Little Sam' to manoeuvre in this small snug, I remain bemused seeing 'Luke' shifting around his big body. Sometimes both are in there! 'Little Sam' is a wise little pony as he always stays out the way and retreats into a corner, quietly waiting till a situation is resolved.  Even 'Luke's quite amusing attempts on being bossy leave 'little Sam' mostly unfazed. 

What food is concerned: what do you mean "Waiting, ME?"

'Mr F' .. or as I call him at the moment: 'Mr Smug'

'Luke' - 2 days after his temporary return to 'Buttercup Farm'. He is getting used to all this yard life again - he's been left in a field with other horses for most of the past year, doing not much else other than eating grass. But it is like picking up where we left last, he is well mannered, gets out the way when he's asked to and generally is calm but at the same time checking everything out as though almost looking for a problem ... he'll be fully settled very soon.

And 'shifty' ... the curent 'Buttercup Resident's Parsons Jack Russell dog.

I have to admit that this head collar just has me in tears with laughter. He can't quite sniff the ground so he moves around like a chicken trying to pick worms ... and he just forever gets stuck in strange places. I'm afraid it is a great source of entertainement for me.  Oh yes; he wears this collar to stop him from nibbling on his tail where he's had some kind of infection. New ideas for ball games ... ;)