I don't experience 'Mr F' as a horse any longer. This is a hard one to explain and I dare say that words will not ever come close to what I mean. He (and I come to the conclusion that this applies to all animals) knows infinitely more than I (we humans) do. By this I don't mean an academic knowledge. What I mean is that they have an infinitely deeper knowledge of life, of being, which we don't or no longer have. I am beginning to realise why, too, more and more. Our heads are so full with everyday 'garbage' stuffed into our heads via radio, TV, newspapers and of course conversations. We don't live ... we are being lived, like robots. We function, but we are not alive. We may think we are when we party or have a few drinks. I remember myself enjoying a bottle of Prosecco over a Sunday afternoon, or a few pints over some games of darts or pool. Becoming very cheerful and energetic, only to find a deep drop once the effect had worn off. We are being lived by what others think, by what we think, by what one is 'supposed' to do / by, by ones job, status, income, house, etc etc. On top of that we have another load of believes which we have created ourselves, that also stop us from being.
Observe a 2 year old ... wonderfully innocent, direct, clear, and so much pureness in the eyes.
A child at this age smiles lightheartedly and truthfully, it doesn't smile because it wants something or because it think it has to. It is very rarely sad, if it cries it is usually because it has needs (food, pain, discomfort). I don't recall ever any of my step brothers / sisters (I spent much of my childhood looking after them) crying because they were sad or angry until they reached about year 3. When they started to learn what is supposedly sad and what is supposedly something happy. As they grew older they lost their innocence.
For me, horses in particular, are otherworldly beings. Where do they get the tremendous love for us from? And they must have that because what is there to love about us from there point of view? Once more the world love is not really correct, as it implies romantic thoughts. That is not at all what I mean. Theirs is a unconditional form of love, a love of life and all that is alive (unless its a matter of life and death). Where does it come from? We ride them and mostly cause them pain one way or another doing so (mostly unknowingly / unwillingly) ... Why do we think we have the right to ride them without asking first?
All the time I have spent with 'Mr F' I have struggled with the terms 'leadership' / 'dominance' / 'show who the boss is' / 'make it (the horse) respect you' ... From my observations, none of the above applies. The only thing that matters is total trust and openness from both sides. The less there is a 'me' and 'it', the less we have to communicate but instead we just 'know' and somehow it becomes balanced. I used to believe that I had to portrait to be 'the woman in charge'. But the problem of that is that ones ego gets swollen up and hurt so easily: "how does it dare to disobey! You are trying to test me aren't you, I'll show you!" .... and so on. Instantly our thinking becomes emotional (anger, frustration, embarrassment even if there are onlookers and know-it-alls) and therefore distorted. You know longer see what IS. Then we start overacting / over-reacting, we may turn panicky or hysterical, all of which the horse doesn't understand and has no interest in. It will however increase its distrust in you because you're no longer secure from its viewpoint; it doesn't understand you. When the boys are all in the stable together, there is no quarrelling required because they know that everything has its place, its balanced. (although 'Mr F' does think he holds ownership of my breakfast bowl with shreddies and seeds WHILE I am still eating them). So yes, there is a form of pecking order, survival of the fittest, its very matter of fact though and not fed by emotion (or hurt ego). Indeed they do put ears back and all but its not anger because they think they are the dominant one but because they know they are and if not they will be challenged. It's part of the life cycle where everything has its place, where everything is balanced. If something is out of balance it is most likely no longer working or not working properly.
You may think I am crazy, it doesn't matter. Over the past year or so I have witnessed and observed so much not just about the horses but about being alive. Now there is less and less difference between dealing with horses or dealing with people. My way of being with people changed much more than my way of being with the horses. What I learn from the horses I apply in everyday relationships with humans (any form of relationship, business, friendship, workmates etc etc).
Of course much of my behaviour is still triggered by emotion thinking but at least I have learnt to witness when this happens. The less emotional I am, the simpler everything becomes, the easier it is to see what IS. I call it 'being' or 'being awake' and within lies sheer joy and biss and a very deep love for all that IS. Words are no good here as words means something different to each person. To me being with the horses is like a home coming, the same feeling as when we are just about to fall asleep, when thoughts have stopped, that moment when our head rests on the pillow, knowing we are going to 'go home' for a few hours, into a state of no thought. Bliss!
Talking of bliss: I wish to share this particular Youtube clip, not for you to watch but for you to listen to should you struggle settling your head. Its an hours or so worth of nature sounds of crickets / wind in the tress and night owls.
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