Looking Better & Overwhelming Observations

And so, as time went by, I became more and more involved with the well being of these two ex-racehorses. The experience and observations I made by spending time with them went completely under my skin and I went to bed at night feeling totally at peace and so very much alive.

As soon as I was with them, time stopped and nothing mattered. It was as though I was sucked into a place of no time, no thought, it was pure, honest and loving - although 'loving' is not really the word I am looking for because we seem to have too much attachment associated with that word. Maybe one day I find a better word for it.

I was completely filled up to the brim with the beauty of these beings. By this I don't even mean the physical beauty, but their inner pureness, their innocence and their kindness regardless.

'Mr F' willingly decided to trust me so very quickly, why? I had no idea about horses but could not keep away from these two. Although I was never had any thoughts of fear when in their presence, I was fully aware that my well being while I was amongst them was and always will be entirely at the mercy of their good will and their kindness.  

When I am not with them I spend countless hours thinking about them and what they mean. Yes, what do they mean to us? It is as though they were some form of gateway to something else, something I didn't know anything about. Most of all I felt very humble and grateful when in their presence. Humble for being with them, grateful that 'Mr F' is so willingly wanting to share his time with me.

Above: 'Mr F' - beginning of May 2013, always following me around the field.

'Mr F' is  following me around the field, wanting to know what I am up to, he does it all the time now. I often go and see them when I have a tea break (working from home). I just sit there and observe how they interact with each other. 

To me at the time they were unknown creatures, they weren't pets, but they were also not wild animals. They clearly don't function like dogs and of course they are not like us either. So what are they? 'Mr F' seemed to read me like a book. It's in the eye contact. The longer I spend time with him the more do his eyes seem to open up. They become softer, steadier, warmer. Often he looks at me rather intently ... and the sensation that goes along with that is that he looks right into me.  There are no secrets, no pretending, there is no point because he knows already. 

 'Rose' and 'Mr F' - End of May 2013

At last the grass is growing ... and they are beginning to put on a little weight. Both still have great separation anxiety. I guess they have been together through some rough times. I understand that 'Rose' had always been a bit of a 'special' horse as she could only be put into a field with 'Mr F', but struggled with other horses. 

'Mr F' end of May 2013

  Both - June 2013

Both - June 2013

'Mr F' has been putting on some weight but 'Rose' is still struggling. She is just not comfortable in herself. And she is becoming more and more grumpy with 'Mr F' as soon as I go and groom them. There have been moments when she would try bite him and even me unless she was groomed first. 

'Mr F' - comparison

'Rose' - comparison - not mentally settled and quite high strung, which seems to reflect in her digestive system, she is hardly putting on weight and her rear end business is very watery.

Again, its clearly visible that 'Mr F' has put on weight nicely and I had become very close to both and spent most evenings with them until it was dark. Much to the annoyance of my then partner.

It was at this point where I began thinking 'Well, what if they both leave? What if someone takes them on loan? I'll probably miss them ... ' followed by: 'Oh come on, silly woman, you knew it wouldn't last. You don't have the money to have a horse, you can barely feed yourself ... just imagine all the vet bills, the feed bills, the insurance ... '

To be continued ...