4th Aikido Class. 'Lillian' could not partake as she has a stiff neck (possibly trapped nerve, we don't know yet).
This time the class was headed by a different instructor.
We practised some basic body moves; walking on your knees, forward rolling (break falls), etc etc. It was interesting to observe the other Aikidokas, some seem remarkably stiff even though they have been doing this for some time.
But talking of which: I myself was once again like a statue, at least that is how I felt inside. My mind was just constatnly interferring and I go completely blank when it comes to where to put my feet, my hands and how do I do that technique and 'how do I do this and that'?
I need to explain a little here about the class structure:
Once we have done our warm ups, the sensei chooses an UKE (training partner to receive the technique, the 'attacker') so that he can show us some technique that we are supposed to copy.
Now with this I do struggle. What happens when the UKE doesn't know what to do, such as myself? What if UKE doesn't attack as shown or doesn't react as shown at the front of the class? Surely, this will mean that TORE would need to use a different technique ... but then: what is the point in showing us a technique in the first place?
How is this supposed to work? It's all well if Tori (the person doing the defending, I.E. the one doing the technique) knows what he/she is doing. So, if I as UKE don't know what I am supposed to do or how to place my body, then surely TORE won't be able to do what was shown at the front of the class - unless he/she uses force.
But I wonder: shouldn't TORE be able to deal with whatever I can offer? Because I don't know anything yet so I will never be in the right position for them to do the technique as shown.
It didn't make sense at all.
At this stage my mind has had it! It was in overdrive, full with confusing input from everyone in the room (often contradictory) and I had lost it. I decided that I didn't have a single clue about this still, even after 4 weeks. I had absolutely NO IDEA, except that Aikido seemed to be teaching me something else ... something about myself. It certainly told me that I have to stick my ego somewhere else ... where the light don't shine!
Oddly enough, I didn't really think that anyone in the Dojo knew what they were doing but instead were still searching, albeit at different stages. Interesting! It had got me hooked for sure but not for the reasons that made me take up Aikido in the first place.
It left me with the same gut instinct as I have each time I am with 'Mr F' ... something is telling me something ... and I am not really listening.
I think I have to do some more reading up on this ...
But to go back to the riding. It was time for another lesson with 'Rupert'.
'Mr F' and 'I' wandered over to the menage quite ahead of time. There is a nice bit of grass on the way and I wanted to stop there so 'Mr F' could spend some relaxing time a little bit of the juicy spring grass while I was enjoying a carrot.
Lessons with 'Rupert' are certainly fun. I guess for him I am probably a bit of a difficult case as I do question everything and come up with my own solutions (which of course are not always right!).
But he got used to this by now and we do get on well and laugh about silly things. No matter what mood he (and he can be very moody!) or I are in, I feel comfortable.
'Mr F' and I haven't been out on the roads much lately because his hoof boots are suddenly twisting very badly and just won't stay on, despite my best efforts to find a solution. But the fields behind the farm are great to use as a open space menage. It does have livestock in it but there is plenty of room for us all and the calves and 'Mr F' are accustomed to one another.
I spent considerable time up there trying to ride 'Mr F' just with leg aids. It took us some time and I was once more grateful for this communication breakdown we had last summer: it taught be much about timing - timing in terms of when to praise. This I come to realise, is so very important.
Everything we do with a horse, every minute we spend with them, we teach them something. Good or bad. I will never forget this because of all the mistakes I made last summer.
After about a week of testing to ride with just leg aids, 'Mr F' had become very responsive, which was noticed in the lesson.
We didn't work much on sitting trott though. I am having a bit of an issue with this now, in my mind. Just like I did with improvisation when I played instruments ... the mind kept giving negative imput and was stopping us from being.
I was hoping we would just do some pole work in walk but 'Rupert' wouldn't let me get away with it. 'Come on ... get that horse moving. Give it some leg, time for some more sitting trott. I should really make you do this for 30 minutes non-stop. That'll get you sorted!' - he half seriously said. At this stage I thought I'd better go along with whatever he wanted because else I would really be doing it for 30 minutes!
As usual, I thought I was AWFUL and just couldn't stop being negative about myself. Just like in Aikido ... to much bloody thinking!! Why can't I just BE!?
Upon my request, 'Rupert' filmed some of it again so I could watch it at home. I wasn't bouncing as badly as I thought I was but it was clear that my upper body was very stiff and my arms where almost rowing. Very clearly, 'Mr F' and 'I' were seprated ... not moving as one piece as we should.
I am having to find a switch to stop this thinking ... or I shall remain a statue.
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