Sometimes its good to talk

Today early morning 'Lillian' and I went out with 'Luke' and 'Mr F'.

The previous evening I was pretty much out of all hope to ever get on the same page again with 'Mr F'. I didn't  know how to get that communication back that we enjoyed so much before. In fact I thought that perhaps it might be better for 'Mr F' to be with someone who was better at this horse care business.

'Lillian' hadn't been around much due to haymaking time but she had see the previous evening just how much of a communication breakdown there was between myself and 'Mr F' and she told me that she had been thinking about it.

We discussed our observations of myself and 'Mr F' for a while. 

At the end of it I have come to the conclusion that:

a) ... I have OVER DESENSITIZED. It all started when 'Lillian' showed me some of the groundwork exercises that she had been taught in a workshop with MG (and no! I am NOT blaming her, just read on). Working with the plastic bag on the stick or flag on a stick. I understand this is meant to become a  help during groundwork (like an arm extension). But first the horse has to get used to it a little so it can cope with it being present. It has to learn to accept it but needs to learn when to move away from it. Looking back, both I and 'Lillian' agree that 'Mr F' got used to it very quickly to the point where it meant nothing to him. No matter how much I would move it around, no matter where I'd touch him with it: belly, legs, head, anywhere - he didn't bother him any longer and with that it became a useless tool.

I had been over eager and had gone a few steps too far into the wrong direction. The stick with flag (bag) was meant to be an aid to put him off from walking into me when working on the ground. A tool to make him understand the rules of respecting each others space.  But as it was no longer effective in our case, our groundwork would end up in a tangle of ropes, a confused horse and an angry and frustrated human (angry with myself) ... and from here on we were on a cul-de-sac with communication meltdown at the end - I just didn't know it then.

b) ...  I WAS WANTING TO DO TOO MANY STEPS with TOO LITTLE REWARD in TOO SHORT A TIME. In my personal life and business, once I have my head stuck into something there is no stopping me until I have finished what I started, even if I have to do it again and again until I am satisfied with it. I taught myself the accordion (and wasn't bad at it),  i taught myself English (you be the judge of that), I taught myself webdesign, tailoring, etc etc. I think and analyse and think and experiment and work until I get a result with which I am satisfied with. It has happened that I destroyed an entire piece of my work on which I had just spent 30+ hours simply because there was some stitching not right and it couldn't be easily undone. If on my own, I can go on like this for days on end without even talking to a single person and I enjoy it.

And now, bearing this in mind, guess what happened when I learnt about groundwork!?

Yes it was all about performing. I was ready to go and learn and master it - 'guns  fully loaded' so to speak. Read again:  I was ready and willing,  I was going to master this, I, I, I.  Not once did I even consider that there is another being involved, who has its own way of understanding and learning.

All the things I asked 'Mr F to do he did at the beginning. He did them very well and very quickly, he is a very fast learner. And yet I didn't reward him often enough, I wanted more and better because it appeared that we progressed so quickly! All of a sudden I was for some reason trying to turn 'Mr F' into exactly what I disapprove of so much - a performance machine!

'Lillian' pointed out that there is partly were the problem lies, she had been told - asking much and no reward. Horse does one step, reward. And another, and reward ... etc etc. He needs to know he is doing right when he does.

It requires AWARENESS (plan were you want to go, and have a plan not to have a plan, and most of all: OBSERVE THE HORSE all time and reward in the RIGHT moments. Here we have the all important TIMING. 

Whatever we do with the horse, any time we spend with them, they learn something, good or bad. Something that I must never forget.

And wave your ego goodbye, please!  Don't let your temper getter the better of you, be patient with the horse and yourself. They didn't come up with the saying "hurry up and wait" for no reason.

This is what I had to apply this morning, before we could even leave the yard for our ride.

Dealing with 'Mr F's refusal to be led out of the yard:

PHASE 1 - a pull (don't jerk, just a steady pull but be READY TO RELEASE as soon as he moves!) if nothing happens here, then onto PHASE 2 - extra incentive needed: in my case - pull and a light tap with the rope just behind his shoulders). WOAH! 'Mr F' moved! NOW RELEASE AND REWARD. Back to phase one - phase two. RELEASE AND REWARD. I repeated this another 3 times. Then suddenly, only phase 1 was required.

Dealing with 'Mr F's refusal to ride away from yard: 

PHASE 1 - move seat to sign that its time to move forward (when communication between us was going well, I hardly needed any aids and communication was very smooth and soft. Often I just had to 'think' of a move or direction. Of course, not so today. NOTHING happened. PHASE 2 - stronger encouragement with help of legs. Nothing. PHASE 3 - a convincing tap with the end of the rope. And we moved! RELEASE AND REWARD. REPEAT. Another 3 times and we only needed phases 1 and 2. On the way down the lane we stopped once more. REPEAT the phases. By the time we were at the end of the lane it was only PHASE 1.

Throughout the ride 'Mr F' was fine. He had a quicker walk than normal and was content with both being at the back and at front. He trotted beautifully but then there was a moment when there was a White Van parked and workers were using machinery. 'Mr F' decided that he could not possibly go any further. He wasn't really that bothered about the Van but decided to refuse to walk on. Back to the PHASES! From then on we were doing fine.

Conclusion:

For me: STOP reading books! I get too many ideas in my head. What works for others doesn't mean it works for you. Work with  your horse, it'll tell you how well you do ... 

Everything we ask of the horse requires these phases and the balance between asking and rewarding is so very very subtle and can tip one way very quickly.

There is a firmness required from the human and a clear mind. I am not trying to dominate the horse but I am trying to convince him that my way is the better. And sometimes the horses' way may be better. It requires a great deal of wisdom to work this balancing act ... and I have much to learn!!

I had asked (too) much and rewarded too little or not at all - yet when I had to manage people in my previous work I spent much more time to ensure they would feel alright or at least understand why they had to do something in a manner. Why did I fail to do the same with 'Mr F' - I suddenly, and wrongly, treated him like a tool rather than a being who has it's own mind.

I have said this before long time ago in this blog and I have to come back to it:  'Mr F' is an excellent teacher. Although a very dominant horse, he is gentle and patient.

He could have just started to kick me or bite me to have his peace. But he didn't. Instead he was trying to tell me that something is not right. He spoke clearly, when he just stood there with all fours firmly planted on the ground.  He was telling me he didn't understand me any longer. He never did rear nor try to hurt me. He just stood there looking at me with these very distant eyes. Yesterday evening he just stood there, hanging his head almost at my knee level and just looked very sad and very disappointed - I had let him down even thought it was not my intention.

But today when we came back after the ride 'Mr F' looked at me again with a warm look in his eyes, he was not hiding any longer. It is now down to me to proof myself and not to let him down again.

Some might say (and actually have said this): 'Well aren't you taking all this horsey stuff just a little too seriously?'

No, I do not. 

They put up with us, with all our faults, with all our demands and our anger. We shackle them to make them move if we ourselves can't, we used them so we can look great, we ignore them when they despereately need our attention and yet, all the while, they let us into their lives again and again.  I think we owe them a great deal more than just a bit of attention and feed!