Thoughts on Friendship, Dominance and Leadership

It is now just over a year ago since I have taken 'Mr F' under my wings, or shall we say since HE has taken me under HIS wings. 

In books and conversations with other riders there is much talk about leadership, dominance, control, being the boss etc. 

I guess I must have upset quite a few people, or at least annoyed them by stubbornly doing things 'my way'. Yes, I agree that there has to be some form of control between human and horse, else it is potentially dangerous for all involved.  Not because horses are melicious but because we often do things that they find unbareable over a long period of time and so they explode, bite or kick. Some horses are more patient than others.

First off: I never liked the word 'dominance' nor do I like being controlled or being told whom to follow. Don't get me wrong: in a work situation, I will adhere to the 'standards', for sure, its a requirement. But privately, that is a different matter all together.

From personal experience I can only honestly and willingly follow someone who I feel is trustworthy. I never cared about rank or position I'm afraid. It's not who you are but what you do that matters to me.

And for an animal, who doesn't have all the noise in the head as we do, this is surely how it all functions. They will choose, among themselves, the one animal that they deem best as their leader.

All horses here and any guest horses have never yet even once questioned 'Mr F's authority. He is always top of the pecking order, so to speak. He 'rules' calmly and consistently. And all horses that are with him become calm and relaxed. Because they know the 'rules' and that's that. 

I have to find a way of being equal to 'Mr F', so that 'Mr F' no longer questions me. Now that is a challenge! He isn't a horse that can be dominated with force and shackles. Well yes you can but you will not have a friendly horse on your hands. 

And I am NOT looking for a friendship either.  I fell into that trap at the very start with 'Mr F'. He doesn't care how I 'feel', they don't do all the silly emotions that we humans have. All he cares about is: am I stable (mentally), am I listening to him, can he trust me - basically: can he feel secure with me. Am I worth following, that is his question.

I will never be able to replace the meaning of another horse to him, I am NOT a horse, I am a human. But perhaps one day I can overcome that separation just a little ... perhaps one day we can  have a partnership that is balanced.

But it is not through dominance, control or force.

I will come back to this topic I am sure!